Decisions are Hard!

David Burman, St. Columba House resident in Denver

It is hard to make a decision! Once a choice is made, the good things that would have come from making a different choice vanish – so feelings of sadness often accompany the good feelings that led to the decision.

This year as a Colorado Episcopal Service Corps member, I have been spending two days a week working at a shelter for homeless youth, and another two days a week working at a housing complex for youth who were recently homeless – both locations are part of an organization called Urban Peak. In both locations, I have felt challenged and  occasionally overwhelmed – I’ve never worked with late teens/early twenty-somethings before.

One afternoon a couple weeks back, I was waiting at the bus stop after finishing a shift at shelter. Suddenly a feeling came over me – a feeling of wanting to be at the shelter more often. This was an odd feeling, since I had found being at the shelter so challenging, but I couldn’t shake it. I realized that being with the youth and co-workers there was creating an emerging joy within me, and I realized I wanted to be there more than just two days a week, to get to know them and the place better.

So I asked my two supervisors (one at the shelter, the other at housing) if I could shift to being at the shelter four days a week, instead of splitting my time between the shelter and housing. They said yes! End of story right? Everything is joyful butterflies from now on right?

Well no! It was hard to end my time at housing! It was hard to tell my co-workers at housing that I was leaving, after spending some time getting to know them. I feel guilty about leaving them with a little less help. And it is sad when I think of what I might be missing at housing.

So it is hard to make a decision. Once the decision is made, I am not rewarded by feeling like the decision was right 100% of the time. I have begun to notice, though, that I feel a certain freedom in trusting that God is leading me and those around me to somewhere good. I am excited to see what that journey is like, even if the decisions that accompany that journey are difficult.

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