October- Corinne

As the weather has started changing, I am realizing that new seasons are turning in many aspects of my life.

During the first week of our program, we did an activity at Rev. Rebecca’s house. She had laid out lots of different images across her dining room table and invited us to choose a couple of images that stood out to us. We then went around and shared why we chose those images and how we felt they connected to our coming year.

I was particularly drawn by an image of someones hand outstretched towards the sky. The arm was cut off just below the elbow and the fingers were outstretched wide. In the background were fields of wheat and what I interpreted as a sunrise.

I remember sharing that I felt this connected to my intentions for the year in multiple ways. The first of which was that I wanted to do a year of service because I was ready to use my hands and do some good work in the world. I really valued my college education, but there became a point at which I was tired of learning and wanted to do more. I have felt this at my work placement, as I have been given a great amount of responsibility as I am treated as a staff member.

The second reason why I chose this hand image was because this year I want to show up. The quote “Here I am, Lord,” is something I focused on a lot during the first two weeks of the program, before we started at our service sites. I have still been thinking about this phrase a lot. This year is about learning, laughing, crying, sharing my emotions (which, for those who know me, is very hard for me to do), making new friends, and following my heart and my vocational journey. 

I have to say that the past couple of weeks the Spirit has really listened to my “Here I am Lord” call. There have been many work and professional challenges, and although I absolutely love my job, it has been hard emotionally and mentally. It has also been hard as a house as we have been exiting the “honeymoon phase.” We have faced some challenges as a community, but I have to say that I have learned so much about being in intentional community, living in authenticity, and being open and honest about my feelings. I love the people that I live with with my whole heart and the adversity we have faced, as cheesy as it sounds, has only made us a better community and family.

Photos I’ve Received: Opening Retreat – Bethany Straus

During the opening retreat for Colorado ESC back in August, Rev. Rebecca led us all in an exercise of using photography as a form of prayer and connection to the Earth. This exercise came in two parts: focusing on a single object in different angles and manners in order to see an object in many different ways, then going out into nature to find what places or things that called to us; Rev. Reb instructed us to not capture photos, but to receive photos – to aim the lens toward whatever caught your eye and attention.

 

I only recently took the time to look through all of the photographs that I received during the retreat, so I wanted to share the photos from this exercise and explain what I was feeling while receiving and/or when viewing the photos.

 

For the first activity, I focused on a light fixture that hung over the dining table of the house in which we were staying for the retreat (at Cathedral Ridge, a conference center in Woodland Park, CO). In order to get as many unique views as possible, I stood or sat in just about every corner at a variety of heights and angles.

 

Here are some of my favorite photos from the first activity:

IMG_0049

In this photo, I was captured by the different variations of swirls that led my eyes throughout the frame; the large swirls of the light bulb, the fine swirled threading of the bulb, and the light swirls in glass shading of the fixture.

 

IMG_0083

In case you couldn’t tell: the swirls of this light fixture really caught my eye.

 

IMG_0101.JPG

I remember standing on my tippy-toes across the room for this photo and seeing the fixture at an angle from which I never looked at the fixture; instead of sitting below the light and looking up to see the entire bulb encased by the glass shade, I was barely seeing the bulb as it poked out from under the glass shade.

 

For the second part of the activity, I walked from the house to an open field, then headed toward one of the larger buildings on the property, as this area was slightly elevated.

 

Here are some of my favorite photos from the second activity:

IMG_0118

Immediately after stepping outside of the house, I was drawn to the patch of flowers besides the walkway between the house and the driveway. While most of the places or things that I received photos of are found in multiple photos from different angles or shutter settings, this is the only photo of this bed of wild flowers; this honestly surprised me while I was viewing the photos, as I tend to be rather heavy on my shutter finger.

 

Content warning: If you don’t like/are creeped out by bugs, you might want to skip the next two photos.

IMG_0124.JPG

Every time I photograph nature, I make an effort to capture images of the bugs and creatures crawling on plants, particularly on flowers. This time was no exception.

 

IMG_0129

This photo made me laugh while I was viewing the photos because the bug looks like he’s jumping for joy!

 

IMG_0156.JPG

This particular tree was catching my eye all week whenever I passed it because of the white bark that appeared to be covered in eyes. It struck me as such an eerily intriguing sight.

 

IMG_0158.JPG

Each eye on the tree is so unique and striking, especially when seen while driving past.

 

IMG_0163.JPG

When I saw this set of wild daisies (or whatever type of lookalike flower it is), I was immediately reminded of a friend from college, Sam, who loves daisies. I received quite a few photos of this type of flower, as they made me think of some very fond memories I have with Sam and other members of the my school’s Episcopal Campus Ministry.

 

IMG_0168.JPG

Looking at this photo makes me feel as though I’m a squirrel crawling through a tree. I remember that while receiving this photo, I spent quite a few minutes fiddling with the manual focus in order to get just the right focus and depth-of-field that I was hoping for and I’m quite pleased with the results.

 

IMG_0185.JPG

I couldn’t get over the irony of this sight: fresh stumps from former tree limbs framing a brand new birdhouse. Wood was removed from the tree, resulting in an attempted replacement.

 

Warning: one more bug pic

IMG_0224.JPG

I love the way that the flowers essentially form an arrow that points to these bugs.

 

IMG_0243 (2).JPG

Something about the flowers lining the ditch along the side of the road called to me. The contrast of the brown dirt road against the green, white, and yellow of the flowers and plants was incredibly pleasing to the eye.

 

IMG_0255.JPG

Sitting on the side of the road, looking up through the tall grass, with some beautiful mountains off in the distance, I felt so content and at peace. I remember feeling like a bug looking up through blades of grass while I was in this spot.

 

IMG_0331.JPG

I remember being absolutely captivated by the clouds during the retreat: there were so many full, intense-looking clouds that sailed through the sky. Therefore, it only makes sense that I received some photos of the clouds while finishing up with this activity.

 

I absolutely love the products of this exercise and I am so grateful that Rev. Reb lead us in this activity. Looking through these photos made me so excited for the next photos that I will receive as a reminder that God is all around through His beautiful creations, whenever and wherever that reception may be.

Imperfect Prayer – Weston Morris

To this point, I never considered myself an intentionally prayerful person. I have been a practicing Episcopalian for nearly my whole life, and the idea of communicating with God using words outside of the liturgies outlined in the Book of Common Prayer felt scary. On some level, I knew that prayer does not need to involve me kneeling at my bedside telling God about my highs and lows, asking for forgiveness or anything else. I have started to try, yes, actually try, to pray. Here are some ways I’ve been doing that.

The first change has to do with my rule of life. For years, photography has been a joy of mine and a practice I wanted to cultivate more, especially in nature. Part of my rule of life in Steamboat Springs was to make one photo per week that I was excited about. Not that anyone else was excited about or that I needed to share, but just one that I could see the divine in and remember the beauty surrounding me in that moment. Sadly, this practice hasn’t continued into my year in Denver, but I’m thinking of updating my rule of life to include it. I miss my camera.

Secondly, living in Steamboat challenged me to be in solitude. My mind is not always a kind, joyful, hopeful, or peaceful place. I learned that to move myself through the boggy marshes of my brain it helps to move my body. I started walking every day, or almost every day, to a park near the Steamboat condo. While I don’t remember every walk I took, I do know that it was never the same. Even going to the same place gave me new insights into the divine. The reality is that our natural world is changing all the time and if you become familiar with one place you can notice how it changes from day to day. I found God in my walks every day. I also found that I changed over time in those walks, I began to rely on them for conversation with God.

In Denver I have continued to walk, but I have to be more mindful about when and where. I am still working out how walking continues to form my prayer life here. A few days ago, I got to spend a day in the mountains for the first time since I moved to Denver. I found myself breathing easier and praying every moment I could. I prayed in gratitude for beauty and in hope for my friends and family. I simply prayed in conversation with God about what holiness is, how heaven looks and whether it matters at all. I returned to Denver feeling refreshed.

The third tool I’ve started using is something a coworker at the Office of the Bishop introduced me to. Anglican prayer beads, similar to the rosary, are a tactile tool for intentional prayer. I had never used prayer beads before, but at Diocesan Convention this weekend I bought my first set. Since convention ended, I have been carrying it with me everywhere. The largest bead, the cruciform, is not in the shape of a cross but rather a heavy bead with a labyrinth etching. I have taken to wrapping the beads around my left wrist and fiddling with them while walking, recreating the intention of walking a labyrinth while on the streets of Denver.

All of this is to say that there is no one way to pray, on one size fits all, no way of prayer that God will hear you more. There are many, many ways to connect to God. What I’m challenging myself to do this year is to not wait until something is perfect, but to show up while I’m still working all the kinks out. It’s the same with my prayer life. It’s an imperfect practice as it always will be. I don’t believe that God cares about how I come to the relationship, but just that I do.

IMG_7362