Hi friends! Just a warning, this blog post is kind of just going to be me “thinking out loud” about a new strategy for fighting the darkness that too frequently wells up in me. I struggle a lot with apathy, which leads to hopelessness, anger, fear, etc. Really fun stuff. And I’ve never been too good at fighting it. I tend to be a “woe is me, why is this my life?” pity-party drama queen, and it’s not a good way to be. The sermon series at a church I’ve been attending the last few weeks has been both convicting and encouraging, and I think that the truth I’ve gotten to hear is maybe the Lord’s wake-up call to me on a better way to fight my demons.
We’ve been going through Psalms, which I love for the intensity of all kinds of emotion. Anyway, a few weeks ago the lesson was that we should “elevate our praises over our problems.” Well, butts, that hit home. Then this morning was about how God will never forsake us, but will hold us up despite anything and everything. Duh, right? That’s all over the Bible. The thing I’ve been missing, however, is that we are to actively seek God, and proclaim His promises in the midst of our crap. Butts again.
I don’t do that. When I start falling into the “depths of despair” as Anne Shirley would say, I know in my mind that God will rescue me, but the words on my lips are not confident proclamations of His salvation. No, rather they are word of hopelessness, and begging God to take away my suffering. This isn’t wrong in itself, but my approach has always been one of passivity. I just tend to lay in bed wallowing in my pain until God decides to lift it from me. I want Him to do all the work, without me having to do anything but whine. Being honest with God is extremely important, and complaining to Him is more than acceptable when that’s how I feel, it’s just that I can’t stop at that. It’s been pointed out at church that David, in the midst of his hopelessness, sadness, and fear always still proclaimed that Lord’s promises. He would be in the darkest hole, crying out to God in anguish, but he never neglected to acknowledge God’s promises and faithfulness. Wow. That ain’t me.
Now here’s what I’ve been thinking:
The Lord promises us peace and joy through Jesus, and he promise to never leave us, and He tells us that we are more than conquerors. More than conquerors. I can’t even comprehend the power that comes along with that, and yet, through the Holy Spirit, I have access to this power. But I have to act. And that’s what I’m not so good at.
Today I’ve come to the realization that when Jesus rose from the grave, He defeated not just sin, but all of the evil that comes along with it. The apathy, blues, fear, anger, and pain that plague me were all defeated the instant that the stone was rolled away! (That’s a nice, tent-revival-y sentence, huh?) But wow! What power! Though I myself still have to stand and fight, these things have already been defeated by the One who calls me His daughter. So long as I call on Him and His truth, I can stand and fight.
So, my resolution as of today is to do just that, call upon the Lord for the deliverance that I know He will provide with faith and a willingness to act. I’m going to try to put off my passive attitude of “Lord save me while I do nothing” and take on one of confidence in Him, and in His ability to work in me for the coming of His kingdom on Earth. The Lord is indeed quick to deliver me, but I am not exempt from actively seeking Him, as I wait for deliverance. Instead of passively waiting for things to get better, I’m going to try instead to boldly proclaim God’s peace, joy, and salvation into my life, and run to Him, because I know that He is right by my side, fulfilling His promises and empowering me to rise above the darkness that He has already defeated. I’m excited for this new outlook and course of action, because it already seems to be a more righteous path than that which I have taken before.
Come at me apathy, I’m more ready for you than I’ve ever been before!
Readers, if you care, stay tuned for the next oh-so-exciting update on my life (sarcasm). Thanks for letting me “think out loud” as it were, and I hope that there is something of truth or encouragement here for you as well.