Today I set out to conquer a new hike that I had never before attempted. When I got to the trail head, I recognized it instantly. I was on this trail three years ago. Previously, I only ran up the base. I turned back and didn’t do the full trail because I feared hiking it alone, I didn’t have the equipment, and mostly because I was anxious about starting a new job in a couple months so I decided to use the time to prepare for the job instead of being outside. Today was very ironic. I’m actually in the same position again. I almost decided to forego hiking today so that I could prepare for my next job. Instead I did, I guess what they call it, Carpe Diem / C’est la vie? Lived in the day. I was very struck by being on this same trail three years later. Sometimes I think nature/ God / the universe leads us back in a loop to somewhere we’ve been before to reveal more and to offer a lesson that we may have missed the last time. Today I’m back here, further down the trail. Still by myself. Learning what’s relevant for me. Receiving the healing powers that nature and the body will restore. Being reminded the end isn’t as treacherous as it may seem.
Three years ago I was sitting in this same place, but it looked so different. I was very focused in on my relationship and my upcoming job. I wouldn’t have used these words before, but I was anxious and fearful of changes I felt coming. And change sure did happen. Much has happened in the past three years. A fear then is still a fear of mine now – being lonely. And there has been loneliness. AND the past three years though have introduced me to so many new friends and also proved some relationships can last through time and distance. There’s been so much unpredicted love and many unforeseen lessons.
Today was a God moment. It was healing and restorative. I really needed that reminder to remember that one day I will be looking back at this point in my life thinking “Wow, it seemed so hard, stressful, and scary back then. And look how things have changed and where I am now.” Sometimes I wish my path was straighter, more direct, point A to point B. I guess it’s worth it though. To be led down this more winding path – maybe even back to the same trail – if it means going further down said trail and ending in way that feels how I feel today. More like myself. More confident. More assured that things will work out. Keep trekking, E. Keep trekking, friends. It be good.